Standard Bank Muppets

Standard Bank is special.

The story starts with me standing in a queue for 30 min. I’m there trying to get a new “ATM PIN”. Not that I’m EVER planning to use the card in my hand at an ATM.

In September we opened an extra business account and promptly got a debit card with a PIN in the envelope. Cool. Easy. Only, the card just would not let me complete the online banking registration process. I visited the Stellenbosch branch THREE times to figure out the problem, get a new card, do the registration…

After the online banking registration worked and I set up a new PIN and password I put the tiny transparent ATM PIN paper in the bin. Not sure why I even need a debit card number to log into online banking anyway – even less an ATM PIN.

Let’s pause here and remember the days before internet banking – the days when flat bits of plastic with magnetic strips made sense.

Moving on..

Last week I try to log into online banking and I see something like: “sorry you have not been registered for self-service banking”. I phone the call centre. Seems my online banking profile was deleted. They can’t tell me why. The solution is to re-register – with the ATM PIN. I ask them to investigate – they log a “technical query” and tell me they will phone me back.

Sense of humour failure.

At the bank they tell me the card I have is not linked to ANY bank account. No logs. Just gone.

The lady behind the counter does not really seem surprised. Oh, well, another random magically unlinked card. “Usually it does not let me re-link them, I have to issue a new one.” Usually?



ps. Do you think the call centre ever phoned me back to tell me why things were magically deleted?

2 thoughts on “Standard Bank Muppets

  1. I left them about a year ago. I still get SMSes from they saying that I haven’t logged into their internet banking in over 6 months.

  2. Heh, I’ve been considering making a series of ABSA screenshots of their website with helpful hints and tips like:

    “Tip of they day: When our agents promise you they’ll call you back, they won’t.”
    “Tip of the day: When we inform you that your account has been FICA’d, we might not really mean it. Heck, we don’t even know what it means!”

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