In the spirit of sharing strong opinions, I figured I’d write a post about relationships. A note to self kinda thing.
I’ll try and keep it short. This is mostly for nerds in their 30s and 40s.
“Hell yeah!, or no.” — Derek Sivers
“Smart, interesting, not-cooked. Pick two.” — Paul.
Step 1: Get comfortable being single. Dating is a huge waste of time and energy.
Step 2: If you find somebody really cool (smart and interesting), jump in and love them like crazy. Do this a few times. Understand the mechanics of infatuation.
Step 3: Optimal stopping theory.
Step 4: Long term compatibility.
Step 5: The Final Frontier.
Here are the key things that you need to look for…
- Culture, ideas about the world, background, language etc.
- Career, is this person happy in what they are doing, building, learning.
- Mental health, tricky one, but get a feel for it.
- Religion, kinda boring, but could be a show stopper.
- Kids, yes/no/maybe.
- Dog / cat person. I suspect it’s a very useful personality indicator.
- Burner, yes/no, I’ve found this to be an interesting aggregate for a number of metrics.
- Health and fitness, not too much, not too little.
- Location, live and work in the same area and plan to stay in the same city for a while.
- How busy they are.
- Can’t hurt to know their MBTI personality tipe.
Have a chat about the above in the first three weeks of finding somebody that passes the optimal stopping filter (step 3).
Good first date question, ask person to complete the following: If you really knew me you would know…?
“Work ethic, taste, integrity, curiosity. The rest you can learn.” — Ma.tt
Generally a good spec: Smart, calm, healthy, interesting, tall. In that order.
Lastly, remember: you need at least a 5:1 good:bad experience ratio in relationships.