Dating for Nerds

In the spirit of sharing strong opinions, I figured I’d write a post about relationships. A note to self kinda thing.

I’ll try and keep it short. This is mostly for nerds in their 30s and 40s.

“Hell yeah!, or no.” — Derek Sivers

“Smart, interesting, not-cooked. Pick two.” — Paul.

Step 1: Get comfortable being single. Dating is a huge waste of time and energy.
Step 2: If you find somebody really cool (smart and interesting), jump in and love them like crazy. Do this a few times. Understand the mechanics of infatuation.
Step 3: Optimal stopping theory.
Step 4: Long term compatibility.
Step 5: The Final Frontier.

Here are the key things that you need to look for…

  • Culture, ideas about the world, background, language etc.
  • Career, is this person happy in what they are doing, building, learning.
  • Mental health, tricky one, but get a feel for it.
  • Religion, kinda boring, but could be a show stopper.
  • Kids, yes/no/maybe.
  • Dog/cat person. I suspect it’s a very useful personality indicator.
  • Burner, yes/no, I’ve found this to be an interesting aggregate for a number of metrics.
  • Health and fitness, not too much, not too little.
  • Location, live and work in the same area and plan to stay in the same city for a while.
  • How busy they are.
  • Can’t hurt to know their MBTI personality type.
  • Resourcefulness.

Have a chat about the above in the first three weeks of finding somebody that passes the optimal stopping filter (step 3).

Good first date question, ask person to complete the following: If you really knew me, you would know…?

“Work ethic, taste, integrity, curiosity. The rest you can learn.” —

Generally a good spec: Smart, calm, healthy, interesting, tall. In that order.

Remember: “Needing nothing, attracts everything.” Bonus points, read/listen to the book Models by Mark Manson.


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